Emotionally Detached and Resolved
So my boyfriend *Joe and I have been dating now for a happy 3 months. It's been a great summer hanging out with him nearly every day, but as summer comes to an end I wonder, will our relationship end too? We started "talking" near the close of my senior year and started dating right before graduation. Our relationship was more fun and laughter than hardcore romance and when we rarely talked about our future together we spoke of parting as happy friends. Then our kisses became longer and our feelings became deeper. And with those three words I knew I couldn't live without him. *Joe had been pretty popular in high school so he had dated a ton of girls before me. (I'm #11) So I was kinda insecure in the relationship because I knew how skinny and beautiful all his exes were, when for me *Joe was my first boyfriend so I had no one to compare him to. These demons would live on my shoulder and taunt me with the idea that I didn't measure up to his past girlfriends. It had gotten to the point where I wouldn't eat in front of him, or at all. I was becoming withdrawn and I hated the feelings of regret. Then he started to talk about marriage and for an 18 year old girl it's a bit overwhelming. He would always talk about his plans of becoming a professional athlete (he definitely had the talent) and how I would be with him when he traveled and switched schools for him. He had never once asked me what MY plans were, as if being his sideline cheerleader was all I had dreamed of. And when I had planned college I planned on leaving home with no strings attached, a fresh new start in a new town; not an almost husband. My feelings of "love" and "forever" were quickly starting to fade. Then I had a lunch date with a close friend and future dorm mate. She spoke of how in love her and boyfriend were and when they were together you could practically see the chemistry in the air. I told her my insecurities about mine and *Joe's relationship and how I wished it was stronger like her and *Carl's. I had started to realize that our relationship was so weak and frail. All Joe wanted to do was watch TV, or hangout with his friends and on the very few occasions we would go on a date I would plan and pay for them because he didn't have a job. When we would hangout in a group of friends I would be left out while he talked to his bros, and then he would become upset at me if I struck up a conversation with another guy. My friend explained to me that I deserved someone better. Someone that would actually remember our anniversary. Someone that would right me cute notes and stop by house, instead of telling me to come over. Someone that was more emotionally ready for a relationship that existed outside the backseat of his car. And that's exactly what I wanted. He leaves in exactly 20 days so I've decided to enjoy the last stretch of this summer fling and part as happy friends. When we see each other during Thanksgiving and Christmas it wont be awkward and filled with tension, only remembrance of the time and feelings we shared. Even though I've become emotionally detached from this relationship I'm resolved in the fact that I know that a new start is what we both need.