my too high expectations.

When I thought of forever I pictured bliss. Sure I know bliss is more of a feeling and not so much a scene but I just imagined bliss. Lots of smiling. The kind where your eyes crinkle in the corners and you put all your little white teeth on display. Lots of morning kisses, sunshine through the trees, fingers interlocked so tight that a whisper of air wouldn’t be able to pass between the pressed palms, forehead kisses that make you swoon and your eyes droop in pleasure, dancing in socks in the cold glow of the refrigerator light. I imagined secret looks and shared smiles across the table, slow and sleepy morning murmurs, late night pillow talks and goodnights instead of goodbyes. Borrowed button ups but never borrowed time, because you both knew exactly how each other felt. Unfortunately the bliss I was looking for, wasn't looking for me. There were late nights of aloneness and deprivation. Locked in bathrooms crying in the tub with the lights off wishing I hadn't given into my feelings, and just stayed away. Someone once told me "sometime's you win, and sometime's you learn". Instead of winning like I thought I would; I was stuck with a lesson that I was too stubborn and hurt to learn. My idea of bliss, in the beginning, seemed pure, perfect, and innocent; now I could see my ignorance through it's cracking facade. i had wished you would be the one to share in the bliss, but you wanted none of it, and alone I was left to pick up the pieces of the shattered future that only i had been able to see. so with my heart firmly sewed to my sleeve I left. 

I left you.


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