Showing posts from March, 2015

choosing me.

Unbeknownst to myself, time has once again gotten the best of me. This semester has 2 meager weeks left to live, in which I'm to pack up & move apartments, ace my finals, bid adieu to my sweet Canadian, and GRADUATE (it's only my associates, but still...). what the heck. Somehow I've turned into this partial adult with responsibility who has to start planning for the future. Like can't I just be that 8 year old hailey with the Hit Clips and Britney Spears diary without a clue in the world? That'd be nice and easy.....but not exciting. And we all know how much I live for excitement and adventure.  I've dubbed my 20th summer as my summer of traveling, experience, intrigue, adventure, thrill seeking journeys, sunshine, and fun and festivities. My hellish "summer of '14" was the worst I've yet to endure and I fully plan on rectifying the season. I'll be in school and working for a good part of the warm months,

heading black to blogging.

honestly I'm beyond ashamed. I've put my priorities on the back burner for far too long, and today I've dedicated the afternoon to restructuring my list of to-dos, with homework and blogging at the top of the list. I'm a tad lost for words for all that's happened this past semester. I've had too many friends get engaged or hitched (a big congrats to my favorite couple: Morgs & Jakey!!), the bestfriend's bday ( SAMMI LOVE , how are we getting so old?!), I successfully survived midterms without pulling apart (all) of my split ends, the snow looks like it's gone for good #PRAISE, I've contracted an unhealthy and unfortunate addiction to sweets (which is making it hard for my spring bod to appear...), had to hold off on my plasma donating because APPARENTLY my protein levels are low (which doesn't make sense because McNuggets have loads of protein right??), I've let my room become cluttered with laundry and life beyond recognition, I


I was holding my breath. I remember that. It wasn't on purpose, but I think I was preparing myself for the inevitable. I broke down my hope so it couldn't be dashed by anyone other than myself. My fingers trembled but I forced them to still. I could feel the disappointment like an anchor tied to my heart but I refused to let it sink., not in front of them. Only after I pushed back the door did I let my eyes well. the dark street was barren and cold but inside me a storm raged. I think I had created this wondrous mock-reality in my head that I fully dreamt would unfold, but now that I've woken up I realize that my air-headed fantasy was foolish and a lost cause. I carefully laid all my eggs in a basket that proved to be an ignorant gamble. And so with my tail between my legs and my bleary eyes a bit swollen , I return to the drawing board.