HAILEYANELA

Today marks 10 years since my dad died, an entire decade gone in the blink of an eye. I felt the sadness would last forever alongside people's awkward and embarrassed apologies. Yet somewhere along the way the sorrow was replaced with nostalgia and then with reminiscence. So rather than mope over my inevitable loss I complied a list of the top 10 lessons I've learned in the last 10 years. 1. Life isn't all lemons or lemonade. It's in my lowest lows that I swear my life is cruel, that the Fates have it out for me and I'll never know happiness. It's a tart lemon sans sugar and I'm bitterly gritting my teeth. I've had to accept that not every lemon will bear lemonade, & THAT'S OKAY. Without those painful lows I'd never appreciate my greatest highs. Biting the lemon makes the lemonade sweeter. 2. Lonely & Alone Being alone doesn't directly translate to loneliness. Learn to be comfortable without the presence of othe...

SO PUMPED to be spending my fall in Europe, studying abroad and inhaling countless carbs. I'll be traveling with the BYU-I College of Business and Communication to "Experience Europe", network, and search for possible internships. *crossing all my fingers* Prepare yourself for the inevitable insta-overload coming to you September 2016. big thanks to @jakenning for persuading me to apply & Sister Bergstrom for believing that I'll be a (semi) valuable contributor whilst overseas. You guys ROCK. xoxo hails.

Being an adult is hard, and the transition from dependent adolescent to kinda-independent grown-up is one that doesn't come with a freaking handbook.

Here I am 15 days into the new year without a single goal set. There are the usual ones that I've sworn myself to upholding every year: eat healthy, work out more often, regulate my sleep schedule, act like an adult, blah blah blah. They're my go-to goals because, let's be honest, I didn't reach them the year before.

sometimes life gets really stressful really fast, the kind of stressful that has you counting down the hours until you can crawl back into bed. I feel like every time I cross one thing off my to-do list, three more things take its place, and the "catch-up game" is way too real. but sometimes you meet someone like robert.

If I were to swear on the Bible facing an audience of unfamiliar witnesses, I would attest to my character flaw of interpersonal expectations. My fanciful mind is utterly incapable of retaining lessons learned. It’s as if a wave of amnesia has swept away the memories of disappointment and disillusionment and left an empty canvas; ready to be repainted with a lesson that just refuses to adhere. I have a knack of throwing out chances to the undeserving; the ones that I know are sure to let me down. I can’t help it really. I am a deluded optimist at heart; earnestly wishing for change and improvement when I know none will come. I’m the kid with their fingers crossed, brow furrowed, and lip bitten; anxiously awaiting for things to go “my way”. My expectations aren’t grand in the slightest. They are usually centered on the forethought, or lack thereof, from others. Things that I assume to be common sense appear to have translated into intellect that far surpasses human courte...

c/o:  Sabrina Kellerman Photography I’m guilty of painting pretty pictures. Pictures of how I want my life to be viewed. I want crisp edges and smooth lines, not a defect in sight. A clear and in-focus image that everyone can praise, and my mother can be proud of. A picture that can garner Facebook “likes” and Twitter “retweets”; an image that attains the coveted “Life Goals” hash tag. Because who doesn’t want a life that can be applauded and placed front-and-center on the mantel of self-esteem? As a side effect of this deceptive exhibit of life, is the mass of people that assume they know exactly how you feel simply based off the carefully edited Instagram post. They surmise that the smile means happiness and contentment, and the success equals satisfaction and self-fulfillment. They believe the best, because the best is all that they can see. They view the performance from the front row, completely oblivious to the stress backstage behind the curtain. My frustration ...

There is strength in everything. Every action, thought, and word holds a well of power that is weightier than we can comprehend.   A naked word is nothing but a string of letters; but words stitched together with intent and purpose hold potential. They hold the potential to lift heavy hearts, to fortify crumbling character, to furnish the flame of faith, and possess the potential to empower beyond belief. We have the capacity to lead others towards a life of light, and knowledge of the value of their existence. We are literally capable of changing lives for the better.   And yet, the words may be turned in on themselves, maliciously shredded to the bone and cruelly corrupted. The brutal punch a foul phrase packs leaves a deeper impression than that of an empathetic expression. They’ve been used to dissect with disgust, criticize in contempt, to tease and taunt, and to brazenly beat down. Shamelessly and without thought they are dirtied for the sake of “speaking t...

honestly I'm beyond ashamed. I've put my priorities on the back burner for far too long, and today I've dedicated the afternoon to restructuring my list of to-dos, with homework and blogging at the top of the list. I'm a tad lost for words for all that's happened this past semester. I've had too many friends get engaged or hitched (a big congrats to my favorite couple: Morgs & Jakey!!), the bestfriend's bday ( SAMMI LOVE , how are we getting so old?!), I successfully survived midterms without pulling apart (all) of my split ends, the snow looks like it's gone for good #PRAISE, I've contracted an unhealthy and unfortunate addiction to sweets (which is making it hard for my spring bod to appear...), had to hold off on my plasma donating because APPARENTLY my protein levels are low (which doesn't make sense because McNuggets have loads of protein right??), I've let my room become cluttered with laundry and life beyond recognition, I...

I was holding my breath. I remember that. It wasn't on purpose, but I think I was preparing myself for the inevitable. I broke down my hope so it couldn't be dashed by anyone other than myself. My fingers trembled but I forced them to still. I could feel the disappointment like an anchor tied to my heart but I refused to let it sink., not in front of them. Only after I pushed back the door did I let my eyes well. the dark street was barren and cold but inside me a storm raged. I think I had created this wondrous mock-reality in my head that I fully dreamt would unfold, but now that I've woken up I realize that my air-headed fantasy was foolish and a lost cause. I carefully laid all my eggs in a basket that proved to be an ignorant gamble. And so with my tail between my legs and my bleary eyes a bit swollen , I return to the drawing board.

you know that lack of feeling? that completely desolate moment where indifference reigns king? I had that. It was at precisely 12:19 this morning. It came with the chime of a text message. The sender was one who's status in my books had been troubled to say the least. once upon a time that sender had emoticons decorating their name, as time ebbed on the emojis were erased and the name was left naked; finally when the name itself was too much to bear a single syllable word took it's place entirely. i remember when the chime would come and with it excitement and lip-bitten smiles. i remember when those smiles faded to furrowed brows and a grimace of disdain and I remember when that was all replaced with clenched fists, & silence was the only response you'd get from me. I had been a passenger aboard your emotionally traumatic train, all the while you had never told me the destination. and then came the exhaustion. I never knew that exhaustion and defeat would...

a Saturday afternoon spent behind and in front of the lens. xoxo hails.

Ya know those dreams you keep to yourself? The ones that don't leave the pages of your journal, or maybe even the corners of your mind? The little pinky promises that we've made with ourselves. Those are the dreams that have me staring off into the distance, contemplating my options, thinking and rethinking my decisions, and constantly having me feel as if I'm standing at a crossroads without a guide. The dreams that keep me trekking on, seemingly blind; just moving forward.  When we're young we're asked what our "dream" is; whether it's a career choice, an adventure, or life goal. Unlike most little girls, becoming a princess wasn't at the top of my priorities. I was captivated with the idea of becoming an astronaut because I was enraptured with the secrets of the stars, and was beyond convinced that I could fly myself to heaven. no joke. As I got older my dreams changed but were never constant. Lately I've been watching my life like ...

this pose is called "figure skater curtsey" as cliche as it is (and let's be real it's SUPER cliche) a new year brings so many changes. Leaving home and going back to school, the start of a new semester (with our fingers anxiously crossed hoping we remember not to slack off because we know where that got us last term........hmmm), moving apartment complexes, trying to figure out where to go for the summer, failing at making any sort of important life decision, and ultimately having a teen-life crisis.WOOOOOO happy 2015 to me. I can feel in my 19 year old bones that THIS year something amazing is going to happen, but I'm not quite sure what it is yet.. But seriously so much is happening and brimming up and over my cup of normalcy that I have to ask myself (multiple times a day) "is this real life?" BUT, to prepare myself for all the crazy-excitingness that is sure to unfold this fresh year I have made a list of promises that I'v...

YAYYYYYYY! class is finally out and i've successfully survived my third semester as a college kid. praise. Now all that's left to do is pack up my room to move apartments and to pack to go home for the holidays! yippee! I'm seriously so stoked to have 2 weeks to veg and do a whole lot of nothing. there are so many things that I would do differently if I had the chance to start this semester over again, but on the plus side there are LOADS of things that I've learned from my dumb mistakes, and hidden gifts that I didn't realize I was blind to....so *drumroll for effect* here are my new favorite lessons and blessin's: never ever take good professors for granted. i've had the whole spectrum of teachers, from ones who I wish would adopt me as their child to teachers who couldn't be bothered to email me back. When you have a great professor who is passionate and teaches with gusto and life, take EVERY class they offer. no joke, I've had the s...

p.s. this lil' ole theater is the cutest thing in town. as made clear by my last post, winter has made its appearance here in the Burg! so by default the thick cardigans and tights have emerged from the depths of my closet. This is a cozy warm outfit perfect for the crisp morning chill that (unfortunately) accompanies early morning church. The faux leather shoulders add a bit of sass to the knit sweater, and I can't get enough! But I love these heels because they have enough traction on the bottom to keep me from slipping on ice or snow. Praise. Once the cold weather rolls around, maxi skirts become ubiquitous throughout the chapel halls. So in an effort to stand out amongst my long-skirted sisters, I made the brave decision and opted for a shorter hem and thick tights. And the outcome may you ask? I WAS WARM. also I had the benefit of not dragging my Sunday best through the brownish snow. I impart this tidbit of personal wisdom to you all. More tips on surviving an icy...

once upon a time there was a young girl named hailey. she was a (slightly) shy and naive thing and had a difficult time staying true to herself. one day she decided she didn't give a flying fruit cake anymore and went off the deep end...the end. okay so that story is completely made up  (maybe) and a hundred percent not true (kinda). but when I was younger, I really didn't have much self-confidence and my self-esteem really suffered. It wasn't probably until I came up to the Burg last fall; that I finally started to feel more at ease with who I was and really express myself in my truest form. so here on the blog I'm going to share some tips and tricks that have kept me confident and cool. (okay I'm not really cool at all) first) you have to remember that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is going through trials and struggles in their lives. We have all become masters at putting on a brave face and pretending as though we're absolutely fine and dandy. ...

just a  glimpse at my extraordinarily crazy summer. a word to describe this summer: wow. these past few months have just gone by in a complete blur. when I finished up my freshman year of college at BYU-I in april I felt like my summer was stretched out before me with a million different possibilities and a trillion days before I could even think about going back to school.  when I first came home it was different to say the least . I felt like the entire world had just shifted on it's axis and everything was topsy-turvy. I got a job, and realized I hated it in the same week. For the most part a lot of my high school friends were still back at college. And the new friends that I had made while in Rexburg, the ones that had seen be grow and change in those crazy 7 months, weren't by my side anymore. To put it lightly, I was incredibly lonely. So to ease my sense of misplacement and confusion I chose to adventure up to Provo, UT and enroll in BYU summer session. ...

As I was thinking about what genre of favorites I wanted to write about I figured people in my life would be the place to start. (please remember even if you're not listed I still love you lots). July was a semi-rough month for me, so to have these lovely humans by my side through it all made it all the more sweeter. So topping my list is obviously my fantastic (in every possible way) mother. I just love her to pieces! and her quirky text messages and failed use of "text lingo" and poor emoji choice always make me laugh. next is my dear sweet piece of rye bread. Oh gosh how I adore her. I'm so grateful to have a friend like her to always text me and remind me that I'm loved and her countless letters are                                                                   ...