august favorites// a summer for the books.

just a  glimpse at my extraordinarily crazy summer.

a word to describe this summer: wow. these past few months have just gone by in a complete blur. when I finished up my freshman year of college at BYU-I in april I felt like my summer was stretched out before me with a million different possibilities and a trillion days before I could even think about going back to school. 

when I first came home it was different to say the least. I felt like the entire world had just shifted on it's axis and everything was topsy-turvy. I got a job, and realized I hated it in the same week. For the most part a lot of my high school friends were still back at college. And the new friends that I had made while in Rexburg, the ones that had seen be grow and change in those crazy 7 months, weren't by my side anymore. To put it lightly, I was incredibly lonely. So to ease my sense of misplacement and confusion I chose to adventure up to Provo, UT and enroll in BYU summer session.

 I went up to Utah with certain expectations and ideas (my fault entirely #miscommunication) and when they weren't met, my reasons for being there seemed so insignificant and inconsequential. After a rough start and a rocky middle in Provo, I was finally able to fully appreciate the time I had there, and the friends that I had made. Then as the semester quickly came to an end I (once again) packed up my belongings in ol' Quazi and made the journey back to Hendo. and right now Henderson is my present. 

I've been here for about 3 weeks, and once again I'm feeling those old feelings of confusion and frustration rise up. This point in my life is the time where I'm having to make a lot of hard decisions. Decisions that I definitely don't want to be in charge of making. The reason why is because no matter what we choose there is always going to be consequences. I'm trying to learn to appreciate my agency and my ability to make choices, wend my way, and take responsibilities for said choices, but honestly it's hard as heck. Let's be real growing up has it's benefits but this is easily one of it's downfalls. 

Anyways this past month my favorites were having those opportunities to experience new things, making friends with people that I would never have guessed, and even getting the chance to make my own decisions. No one said growing up and getting old was going to be easy, and I don't think I would have believed them if they did. This summer has been incredible, and beyond anything I could have ever dreamt up. I had a lot of sad moments; times when I thought nothing would get better, I felt stuck in a depressing well of gloom, and moments when I thought my heartbreak would physically kill me. But I've also had times of fantastic happiness and joy, times when my roommates and I would dance on the kitchen table to Beyonce with a quesadilla in hand, nights when I hung out with my friend Skyler who gave awesome advice and insight and would let me gab his ear off, and moments when I was home alone, at peace, simply happy to be where I was in that exact moment of time. This summer was a roller coaster of emotions and events all leading up to this time. Right now. Tomorrow I leave to go back up to Rexburg, but I'm not going back the same person as when I left. I'm going back with a new perspective and outlook on my life and new understanding of who I am. I'm going back as a different person, to a new apartment, a new major; and I'm ready for some new memories. so long summer. 

xoxo hails.