Epiphanies

my multitude of realizations.

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10 Lessons I've Learned In The Last 10 Years

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Today marks 10 years since my dad died, an entire decade gone in the blink of an eye. I felt the sadness would last forever alongside people's awkward and embarrassed apologies. Yet somewhere along the way the sorrow was replaced with nostalgia and then with reminiscence. So rather than mope over my inevitable loss I complied a list of the top 10 lessons I've learned in the last 10 years.

1. Life isn't all lemons or lemonade.
It's in my lowest lows that I swear my life is cruel, that the Fates have it out for me and I'll never know happiness. It's a tart lemon sans sugar and I'm bitterly gritting my teeth. I've had to accept that not every lemon will bear lemonade, & THAT'S OKAY. Without those painful lows I'd never appreciate my greatest highs. Biting the lemon makes the lemonade sweeter.

2. Lonely & Alone
Being alone doesn't directly translate to loneliness. Learn to be comfortable without the presence of others. You won't alway…
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Life is Like a Piece of Toast

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I was a mad woman, running around my apartment trying to pack my backpack while simultaneously jumping into my skinny jeans. This was going down as my bread was in the toaster. And in my frantic rush to bring order to my morning I realized that life is like a piece of toast.
First, in toast and life, there’s a chance for missed moments. For those of you that eat toast know that there’s a very small window in which you can butter your toast, or the bread will cool down and the butter will refuse to melt and spread. In life, we are given astounding opportunities and blessings that we just have to reach for and grab. Some of these are only available for a short moment in time, and then they're gone. Lost to us, maybe forever. Just like the melted butter. Although my breakfast had been ruined that morning, I didn’t intend to give up on toast completely because of my butter blunder. I saw where I had failed and planned to use that knowledge to my advantage in future life and breakfast-re…
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Mental health, who needs her? And other stupid things I said in 2018.

Enough isn't enough if I'm not doing everything. I'm not enough.
I'll never get past my sleep problems.
I'll be happy when...
I don't have time to...
I hate my body.
I'm not capable.
Why me?
Take a look at the story I was telling myself last year.
I built an inaccurate and incomplete narrative about my life by committing myself to these self-destructive thoughts. These thoughts consumed me, and I let them.

TheyI stunted my happiness by hyper-focusing on all of my so-called shortcomings and not ~truly~ feeling grateful for my life. Here's the thing, I'm alive and kicking and WAY too busy to spend any time on bad energy.

It's a slow journey, but I'm committing myself to being more mindful and recognizing how my thoughts are framing my perspective and actions. Don't be like 2018 Hailey, you deserve more. Happy Valentine's Day from the girl working on self love.
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